I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
why do cheetos always look like penises
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
