When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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