i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
