Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
