So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
