I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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