ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I woke up under a house in Key West
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize