Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
you are never too drunk for berry picking
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
