More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
