Screwed.edu
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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