woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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