Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
