Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
