We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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