I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
