She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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