NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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