I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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