She's JV to your varsity
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
