I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
