I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
