just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
