Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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