I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize
