I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
