Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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