OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
