Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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