I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
