just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
