youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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