Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
even my farts smell like vagina
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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