Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I need water and some morals
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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