This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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