i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
