yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
