I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
there is puke in my bra ... again
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