I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
