Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
