Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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