I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
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I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
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God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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