Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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