i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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