Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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