My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
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Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You made out with two different species that night
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Please don't give away my fajitas
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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