It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
