You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
