He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
