Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
