haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
