McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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