her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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