guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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