Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
