YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
