so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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