I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
