erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Randomize
