why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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