people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
There r osticjed everywhere
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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