Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
