Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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