I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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