You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
