I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
