I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
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He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
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Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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